Give 100%, Expect 0% Back

Everybody was once an infant. Innocent and naive to the world. Full of hope and potential. Not yet harmed by any negative events in life. Think about children are able to go up strangers and smile, wave at you with no regard as to what people will think of them. It isn't until children start having negative events in their happen that they react to protect themselves. I tripped over my shoelaces walking in front of the class line in third grade and everyone laughed so I walked at the back of the line after that. Avoided attention wherever possible and remained quiet in class in fear of being laughed at again -- to avoid being embarrassed.  This was the first story that ran my life for the next 10 years.  What if I had treated everyday like it was a new day? Innocent and open to the world as if yesterday was irrelevant? I would embrace each day with new fearlessness. Unhardened by past mistakes, embarrassment, anger, pride, sadness, or hurt, I would give 100% and expect 0% in return.

Remember love
Remember you and me
Remember everything we shared
On this planet when we cared

Fast forward to adult life and our version of tripping over our shoelaces would be getting dumped or cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend, getting fired from a job, getting yelled at or mistreated by a friend, coworker or lover.  Who can honestly say that those events didn't affect them moving forward?  Learning from past mistakes doesn't mean that you close yourself off to new possibilities.  Ever gotten, "you're holding back on me!"?  Wouldn't you say that our capacity to give decreases from 100 to 90 to 60 to 30% in fear that "shit" would happen to us again?  Who else would want somebody who will only give you 50% of themselves? 30% of themselves?  Shit will happen regardless sometimes but imagine the pleasant surprises you're cheating yourself out of when you initially hold out on someone who is willing to give you their 100%? 

Remember loving neighbors without expecting favors
Why be afraid to make an honest mistake
If you acknowledge the pain
And you wanna change
You can get through anything

We should give our 100% to family, friends, and strangers included. Give the best of yourself to those around you and expect nothing back. Not having the expectation that the other person will give back creates an authenticity in your actions, words and intention.  That you just want to give back.  That you just want to love.  That you just want to make someone else happy.  How beautiful would life be if everyone was compassionate, giving, trusting and joyful?  While not every person would agree, that's irrelevant because it all starts with you.  I believe the positive energy is repaid back to you in one way or another.   

I had a dream
Beauty was only skin deep
And if we all just believe
Love is all we need
Nothing else can set you free 

I will leave you with Demi Lovato - Together ft. Jason Derulo that half-inspired this post. 

Permission to inspire

I wrote about not being afraid of how powerful you can be from my How Bad do You Want it post.  After publishing the post and receiving feedback of how inspiring that was for readers, I realized that there is a whole other paragraph from that quote that speaks to exactly that.  When we see someone as powerful, it creates permission for them to also strive to be powerful as well.  Inspiration is that peak of hope that you can be like that too after witnessing that great power or results are in fact, possible.  The rest of the quote is below:

"It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

We're actually fearful of what we are capable of because we aren't often in a position of such power and influence - at the peak of our wildest dreams.  We train ourselves to think that our dreams aren't tangible so we talk ourselves out of it or lower the expectations so that we are satisfied with the current level of drive we're exerting. This is playing small in the world.  Stifling your gift/talent/vision doesn't do the world justice in what it can receive.  It isn't until we see someone else shining in their glory that we are inspired to let a little of our light shine too.  My request from everyone is that we shine ALL OUT.  To feel inspired is nice - so what?  What are you going to do about it?  Feel good for a day then go back to your usual routine that has your talents locked up?  Give yourself permission to get messy and urgent with your dreams.  Your calling.  Serving yourself will inspire the next person to do the same.

I Was Here

When I first heard of this song a year ago, it inspired me to tears.  How many people in this world want to leave a mark on the world and declare that "I was here" even long after they are gone?  While it sparked something in me to want to have a passion in something, anything I did - I didn't know what that was going to be yet.  Many people would think that I have my head on straight but I wanted more than just stability, more than just financial security, more than mediocrity.  I wanted to live life with purpose.  To make that declaration is powerful because not everyone would want to be accountable or to put their ass on the line.  It's a scary thing to say because the natural association is fear of failure.  "I'm not going to fail because I never promised such a thing," -- sound familiar?  

We as humans want to shrink and be non-committal because it leaves us free to think that we didn't fail or measure up when in fact we are failing ourselves by not trying.  How are we going to be extraordinary if we don't aim higher?  If we don't push to be our best?  When was the last time you've done something 100% and it was more than you ever thought it would be?  It's up to us in making our lives as meaningful or meaningless.  

I'd like to think outside of myself, my family and friends.  I don't want to just get a job, just get a family, just get by.  So what do I want?  The world is still in need of great leaders and compassion.  I want to leave this world a little better just because I was here.  If everyone had this same inclination to help rather than to hide, to love rather than to hate, or to be urgent rather than to be casual, the world would SHIFT in poverty, hunger, war and disease.  I do believe that we all have a calling of some sort.  A gift.  A talent.  Something to contribute to the world outside of yourself.  It may be changing the world or it may be changing just one life or one point of view.  Not everyone is cut out to be a leader but I think everyone is capable to love and to be loved.  Let's start there.      

How Bad do You Want it?

Sure, you want to be successful.  But how badly do you want it?  How bad do you want to give up sleep, partying or eating knowing that you're going to get just that much closer to your goal?  We're often too tied up with our normal routine and how cool we look in order to go after what we really want, why?  Because that involves risk.  Risk of failing.  Risk of looking dumb.  Risk of being uncomfortable.  If we were thrown into an ocean and we didn't know how to swim, you betcha we wouldn't care how dumb or desperate we looked to get out or stay afloat.  It isn't until we reach a level of desperation that we truly "do anything it takes."  

We shouldn't live our life in reaction to a negative event in life, like struggling for air when one is being drowned.  For example, my father died when I was young.  From that, I became independent and had a drive to succeed in school.  Graduated fifth out of my HS class.  Became a board member in many clubs.  Earned a Master's degree.  Were these accomplishments?  Sure.  Did I work hard? Hell yea.  Am I proud of them?  Not really.  I never liked taking credit for these accomplishments because I now know I was doing them in reaction my father's absence.  I wanted my mother be proud of me academically at least.  But what if I had chased a dream purely because I wanted it?  Had I just followed an instinct because my passion kept tugging my brain to pay attention to my heart.  If I can be anything in the world, I'd be a dancer.  But I went to major in English instead.  

Why are we most scared to go after the things we want the most?  

It is because you need to sacrifice who you are for what you will become.  We need to give up what we have in order to make space for what we want to have.  This part of sacrifice is what makes us uncomfortable. Change, even if it's made for the better, is not welcomed. To have results in life, you need to start tearing yourself away from your old habits, your old life.  Start living it, breathing it, eating it, and continue dreaming about your goals.  And to not be scared with what you will become. 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

My love of dance found its way back into my life 10 years after high school graduation.  I'm not afraid with what I will become anymore. 

My charity of choice: Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN)

Pancreatic Cancer is one of the most under-funded, under-recognized and least researched cancers.  As the fourth most deadliest cancer (categorized by most number of deaths), it still has a single-digit survival rate with not enough funds or media attention to help increase it.  I didn't become aware of the PanCAN charity until I discovered that it was the very cancer that took my father's life 20 years ago.  At the age of seven I just knew that he was never coming back, nevermind what a pancreas was.  Now that I'm older, the details matter. 

Finally growing out of my childhood ignorance of my father's death, I asked my mom about the 6 month period from the time he was diagnosed up until he passed.  He was already in Stage 3 when they diagnosed him and the survival rate was only 2-3%.  I remember his shaved head and the pointy cheekbones that developed when he lost weight.  What I didn't see was his throwing up, bottles of pills and hours spent sitting in a chair getting chemotherapy. Through it all, he still gave us piggy back rides knowing that he wasn't going to be on earth much longer.

I came across the PanCAN charity when I made a conscious decision to live a more active life three years ago.  Out of the handful of 5k races I ran, I connected with this one the most because I ran for my father. They had a small, humble group of runners and walkers. Nowhere did it gain the amount of support like breast cancer did but I was proud to don my PurpleStride shirt because I was supporting a charity that could one day save the life of another, provide research that can one day cure or prolong the life of hundreds more where before the chances of living were almost nil.  

Their vision is to double the survival rate from 6% to 12% by the year 2020.  They have made massive political strides when Obama signed the Cancer Recalcitrant Research Act on Jan. 3, 2013 requiring the National Cancer Institute (NCI) to examine its current research efforts on cancers with very low survival rates.  Development of early detection methods and better treatment options are non-existent for pancreatic cancer patients -- this is the first legislation signed that targets benefits for pancreatic cancer. 

So let's make more strides with NYC PurpleStride 2013 on April 20, Saturday.  I will be running to honor the memory of my father since his passing 20 years ago.  It will be the first event where my immediate family members are uniting to move forward and change the world.  Wouldn't you want to be apart of doubling pancreatic cancer's survival rate?  To change the statistics?  To save future lives?  Please join my team to run/walk "20 YEARS STRONG" or donate.  Don't let the awareness stop with you, ask a friend to donate or run/walk with you too!  I have a goal to raise at least $5,000 and to recruit at least 50 runners/walkers!

http://purplestride.kintera.org/nyc2013/ctow?faf=1&e=6496984505

April 20, 2013 - Saturday

Riverside Park
103rd & Riverside Dr.
New York, NY 10025

Registration Opens: 8:30 a.m.
Opening Ceremonies: 10:45 a.m.
Run/Walk Begins: 11:00 a.m.
Closing Ceremonies: 12:30 p.m.

 That's not the actual time I finished lol.
For the 2013 PurpleStride picture, I would like my team of at least 50 team members with me!

The Power of a Vision

I came back from Vietnam about a week ago and my most powerful takeaway was how inspirational Ho Chi Minh was to his country.  Ho Chi Minh's vision was to have a united and independent country under communist rule.  It didn't even matter to him what religion his people chose as long as they were there to support the efforts of war and the country when it is in need. Although some people are against a communist country, I'm not advocating whether or not a vision is good or bad, righteous or wrong.  I'm speaking to how powerful a vision is once the visionary sets his or her life's blood, heart and work into making it into a reality and how it attracts the masses.  I mean, Hitler also had a vision and his magnetism, charisma and power pushed forward his vision.

It didn't occur to me how powerful how Ho Chi Minh was until my tour guide told us how "Ho Chi Minh" is not his original name.  He was born as Nguyễn Sinh Cung and changed his name to the Chinese comrade who covertly switched places with him in prison where he was sentenced to die the next morning after 18 months of imprisonment.  The real Ho Chi Minh sacrificed his life so that Vietnam can continue to have their leader, so that his vision didn't die with him.  What cause or vision speaks to you so fluently that makes you willing to die for it? 

Ho Chi Minh's vision had penetrated into foreign lands and attracted the support of entire countries who were willing to sacrifice their citizens for it.  North and South Vietnam were finally unified and under communist rule at the end of the Vietnam War, thirty-four years since the first struggle for Vietnam's independence and six years after Ho Chi Minh's death.  Being a leader for any radical cause can mean an untimely death yet leaders will fight for it because the vision is bigger than themselves.   

Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 26 years.  Gandhi, Abe Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. were assassinated.  All these past leaders knew that taking a stand would mean dedication and complete risk and overhaul of their lives.  What cause would you put your life on the line for?  What vision do you have for the world?  Finding a cure for cancer?  A cure for AIDS?  A world where every child gets an education?  Where everyone gets to eat three meals a day?  Where everyone has health care?  Although much of our past leaders have sacrificed themselves for their vision of a better world, there is still more work to be done. 

The world cannot wait for its next leaders.  Although it may not be as apparent, it is still demanding it.  Let your vision of the world inspire you in your everyday actions.  

My Vision for My World:  A world where people are loving, joyful, giving and urgently proactive.  Curiosity, open-mindedness and daring exploration is the force pushing the boundaries for new milestones and breakthroughs.  There is a thirst for knowledge, compassion and a plethora of resources to quench it.  

Happy MLK Day.  

2012 Year in Review

I think it's important to reflect on your past year because I don't want to repeat "the same shit" and have it be another "2012."  Although 2012 has been an amazing year, 2013 has a new bar to raise...

This was a year where I was truly a single gal making things big and meaningful for myself.  In terms of love, this was the year I "grew up" and stood up for myself when I wasn't getting what I needed.  If for whatever reason it ends, I always tend to blame my own insecurities.  Our self-worth shouldn't be reflected from a man's acceptance or rejection; it comes from loving yourself.  I know my self-worth and someone else will see this and appreciate it.  If you want to be in a loving, trusting and connected relationship, you yourself should be loving, trusting and connected and not just be "open" to love.  Being open to love only means that you're ready to receive it but you're not willing to put yourself out there in fear of being vulnerable.  Note the enormous difference.

Various domestic and international trips opened up my eyes about the world and made me humble and grateful for the life my mother and father created for my brothers and I.  While my horizons widened, much of the world is still very close-minded with theirs.  My trip to India opened up a spiritual and humanitarian side; I want to read up on Asian philosophy and reconnect with Buddhism.  For 2013, I want to make a difference in how we raise our new generation.  I will start by becoming a mentor.  My 50-something year-old coworker told me that I inspired her and my youngest brother told me that he looked up to me when he was growing up - something I didn't know for several years until recently.   It's never too late to make a change (or to tell someone that they mattered or still matter to you).  Imagine the possibilities with a pool of motivated and fearless young minds.   

Bal Prakash School for orphans in Rajasthan, India.

My health and wellness was at an optimal level because I took it seriously for the first time in a long time.  It was no longer a "have-to" but a "want-to."  I am SO grateful to have pole dancing/fitness in my life.  I gained an outlet for stress relief, self-confidence, a secret naughty side, and core-strength.  Running was another activity I took up that completely surprised me.  I always believed that I wasn't made a runner but putting in the dedication to train changed my whole mentality about how I limited myself when I didn't even try yet.  Four 5k, one 10k race and one Warrior Dash obstacle course later, I'm ready for more!  2013 Super Spartan is in September and I plan to teach pole dancing again by June.  Aerial silks classes starting April.  All this led to an even bigger realization that I want to work for a health and wellness company.  Here I come!    


Time to really live up to my nickname and be "somethin' like a phenomena!"  

When I was teaching at Zack's Dance Loft last spring.